Not every man you’ll meet will be a candidate to share your toothpaste.
In your search for Mr. Right, you’ll meet some Mr. Wrong’s along the way. Have you seen these men?
The Married Man
Is an explanation needed? It doesn’t matter whether his wife doesn’t understand him, he’s staying married for the kids, or he hasn’t had sex with his wife in years, the married man is not good boyfriend material.
If you do fall for one of his tried and true lines, expect that: you won’t see him on family holidays; his wife isn’t sick or dying or frigid; his other girlfriend has heard the same lines; he’ll never be available when you need him the most; and if he ever did get a divorce, he probably wouldn’t even consider marrying you.
So, he says he’s single but you’re not quite sure? If he doesn’t give you his home phone number, won’t see you on the holidays, rarely if ever sleeps over, and won’t take you on dates to public places or gatherings of his friends, he just might be a married man.
Divorced but Not Quite
This man meets the criteria for being divorced. The legalities have taken place, he lives away from her. Unfortunately, he’s still emotionally tied to his ex and everything he does is with the anticipation that she’ll some day have a change of heart and take him back. It doesn’t matter how much she’s gotten on with her life, he’s still waiting for her call.
He’s got a broken heart, a head that’s occupied with questions about the man his ex may currently date, and a guilt that won’t quit about the kids and how they’re taking all the upheaval. If he got socked for alimony and child support, he may be so financially strapped he may not be able to think about much else.
This guy isn’t ready for a new woman in his life. Not for the type of romantic, soulmate connection you are seeking. You may date, and he may have enthusiasm, but his ex will be there too, wedged between the two of you, flooding your time with memories he refuses to put to rest. If she calls, he’ll run to her side. Hopefully you won’t need him at the same time.
Your best bet for the man who still loves his ex-wife is to be his friend but search elsewhere for a man to call your own. You’ll risk less heartache, particularly if she decides she wants him back. If she doesn’t take him back, he probably will get over her. But most likely he will consider you to be part of the past and he’ll move on to new and exciting conquests, testing his newly discovered powers of attraction to the opposite sex.
Midlife Man
This man doesn’t know who he really is or what he really wants out of life. Probably not so long ago he had a wife and family and drove a station wagon or economy van. Then it struck him one day that he was getting older, he hadn’t accomplished anything of value, life was passing him by, and he hated his gray hair and the fact that he needed glasses to see anything closer than arm’s length away from his face.
Some men spin through midlife doing minor damage to themselves and those they love. Others plow through it swinging a chain saw. How will you know the impact midlife is having on him? It depends upon how desperately he’s trying to regain his stolen youth. Has he traded the wife, family and van for a shiny red sports car and a lithe blonde younger than his daughter? Sounds like chain saw time at the old home front.
Other men realize that life, indeed, is passing in front of them and they realize also that having a life partner who doesn’t share their same future goals and current interests is robbing them of joy. This is a nice way of saying that they’ve grown apart and he recognizes the fact and is ready to move on to the next phase of his life with or without someone with whom to share it. An admirable ambition but just make certain that you don’t get chewed up as he searches for someone who understands him. He doesn’t understand himself, how could you?
The Man Who Won’t Commit
This man has never been married. He’s absolutely perfect — or so it seems. He owns a beautiful home, he’s a gourmet cook, his manners are perfect, he’s physically fit and financially sound. If he’s in his 20’s, don’t let him get away. If he’s in his 30’s, you should have second thoughts. If he’s in his 40’s or beyond, don’t start moving your clothes into his closet. He likes things just the way they are, thank you!
The man who won’t commit doesn’t want to share his home with a woman, not even you. He’s happy with his pictures on his walls and his clothes in his closet. The thought of a woman rearranging his furniture in his home makes him cringe. And children?! No way, no how! Don’t mistake the divorced man who’s reluctant to try again with the man who won’t give it a try the first time. There’s hope for the divorced man.
You can recognize a man who won’t commit in several ways: he hates having his routine changed, he’s only slightly tolerant of children, he’s extremely protective of his personal routine, and he refuses to promise exclusivity in a relationship. He likes himself the way he is, and doesn’t see a need to change himself for anyone.
The Man Who Could Care Less
If you are more interested in being with him, than he is with you, tell him bye-bye. This isn’t about the normal, average guy who hides his emotions because he doesn’t want to appear to be a “sissy.” This is about the man who causes you to have doubts about your own physical attractiveness to the opposite sex, the man who doesn’t try to kiss you, the man who shies away from what would be considered ‘normal’ romantic responses. He doesn’t need an excuse and you don’t need a reason, but if you’re looking at him with thoughts of a romantic future, better look elsewhere.
The Man Mom Warned You About
He’s smooth and suave and says all the right things. There’s no way you can’t help falling in love with this man. It helps to understand that love is an emotion and not a logical occurrence. This may serve as some excuse for why you keep running back to him after he:
Punches you black and blue when you make him mad.
Is in bed with his girlfriend while you’re at the hospital delivering your first child.
Demands an hourly accounting of your time away from him but it’s better that you don’t anger him by asking where he’s been all night.
Stays out all night “talking” with a buddy and accuses you of cheating when you develop a STD shortly thereafter.
Works when and if he feels the need but is quick to quash any thoughts you might have about working fewer hours away from home.
Has to have money from the savings account to play at the track because this time his horse is guaranteed to pay big.
Of course he’ll beg your forgiveness when you get enough of the craziness and tell him you’re history. He’s counting on you being hooked enough to want it to be true. Words are his stock in trade, cheap to come by, cheap to use. If he can back them with the proper action, then they’re worth listening to and believing.
The Man Without a Home
You met him somewhere, you forget where. Somehow he came home with you. And, funny thing, he’s still there. He’s happy having you take the lead role, providing the comfort of a place to stay, meals on the table, a warm bed. But is this what you really intended?
He’s like a stray pup who shows up at your door, hungry and tired. He’s grateful for any little comfort you are willing to provide. He’s sweet. He helps around the house. He’s good in bed. He never has any money. He may have friends but you’ve never met them, and he’d rather stay at home than go out. Is it because he loves your company so much or is it that he doesn’t want to be seen with you?
The Man of Your Dreams
The man of your dreams wants to show you that he isn’t like all those other men. He wants to make you happy, it’s his only role in life, or so he says. This man loves you and everything about you.
He has your entire life planned, with all the things you’ve ever dreamed about. There’ll be beautiful children, spacious homes, nice cars, trips to foreign lands and him by your side sharing the dream.
There’s no way you’d think of letting this man go because all your dreams would go with him. Unfortunately, the dreams are simply illusions to keep you enthralled with him. Nothing will ever come about, though he’ll continue to weave those silken dreams for as long as you’ll stay around to listen to them.
The man of your dreams should stay right there while you find yourself a real man, faults and all, to travel through life’s twists and turns, side by side.
Prince Charming
A castle, a dragon, a princess in distress. But wait! It’s Prince Charming and he’s here to rescue you! This man can’t turn away from a damsel in distress and when it’s you who’s being rescued, you can’t help but be oh so grateful that he came along.
Don’t put your hopes into this man staying long in your castle. He’s ever alert to the sounds of damsels in distress, and his trusty steed is ever ready to rush to the next rescue, even if it means dumping the last princess from the saddle to make room for the latest princess in need.
Mr. Right
Is there a chance of finding your Mr. Right? Of course.
The world is full of men who would be wonderful friends and lovers. They’re warm and caring and seeking someone like themselves. They’re a little shopworn, a bit frayed around the edges, perhaps tattered from wear.
They’ve had their egos bruised and their hopes dashed by someone they loved too much or perhaps not enough at the time.
They’re reluctant to open their hearts but even more reluctant not to, afraid that they’ll find the one woman they didn’t trust enough will end up being the one woman they could have trusted with everything.
They’re out there, sometimes being confused with toads.
© Jilian Baker