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Making the First Move

Times have changed and women no longer are expected to wait for a man they’re interested in to make the first move. If you’ve met an interesting man and he hasn’t invited you on a date, take the initiative and invite him out. Call and tell him you have an extra ticket to the theater, ask if he would like to go.

Don’t take it personally if he says no, he could already have other plans for the evening. Tell him you’ll give him a ‘raincheck’ and to call you when he wants to claim it. The door is now open for his return call should he be interested.

Do not sit and wait for his phone call. Like a watched pot that won’t boil, phones never ring when you most want them to. Keep busy! Have the two of you gone on a first date but he hasn’t called since? Or maybe you’ve talked on the phone or by email but he hasn’t asked for a second date. Perhaps he’s waiting for you to invite him out!

Rules of the Game

To say that times have changed is an understatement! Some women want and expect men to initiate the call for a date, open doors for them, pay all expenses for all dates. Some men still want to be able to do all of these things. Some women want to open their own doors, pay for their own meals and call men for dates. Some men like this.

But how do you know what to do so you don’t offend this great new person? The simple solution is to ask. When you meet someone new, why not casually ask them how they feel about men who open doors or women who ask men for dates?

Don’t dispair if you meet a wonderful person who feels uncomfortable assuming a role that you’re particularly comfortable with. Talk about your differences and learn to compromise.

Hi, I Noticed You Were Alone…

You’re at an event, alone. So is he or she. The sky isn’t going to fall on you and the earth isn’t going to swallow you if you go over and say hi. Perhaps the other person is not interested in meeting someone. Don’t take it personally. Not all introductions work. But, if you don’t try, you won’t know if that interesting person is just timid about approaching you or already involved. Take a chance! Not everyone is outgoing. You might be surprised at those people who are shy and who would be delighted if you took the first step.

You might be one of those people who is not so outgoing. If you truly want to meet people, you can learn! It takes time and practice to get where to the point that you don’t have a giant knot in your stomach each time you approach an attractive stranger at a social function. And some of the most relaxed appearing people you might ever meet still get those knots!

Expressing a genuine interest in someone will open a lot of doors for potential friendships to develop. Ask questions when you meet someone new. The purpose is to get them talking about themselves and their interests. If you share the same interests, you’re on the way to making a new friend. Don’t pry into their personal lives any further than finding out if they are married or currently involved with someone.

When you meet someone new, you be the listener. They’ll like you better for it!

And the List Continues…

Where else can you meet people?

  • Take dance classes (with a little searching you will probably find free lessons in virtually any popular dance). Or sign up for a few introductory lessons at a dance studio.
  • Go bowling. Join a league. You don’t have to be a good bowler to be on a league – be a fun bowler!
  • Take walks. It’s healthy for you and a good way to meet others. Mall walk. Walk your dog in the park.
  • Ride a bike.
  • Go to festivals, auto shows, boat shows, sporting events.
  • Play on the local chamber of commerce softball (football, soccer, bowling) team.
  • If you’re a woman, get your hair trimmed at a barber shop.
    If you’re a man, get your hair trimmed at a beauty salon.
  • If you’re retired, get a part-time job.
  • Go to bookstores, computer stores, hardware and do-it-yourself stores.
  • Go to flea markets and yard sales.
  • Go to the library and to read magazines or your favorite books.
  • Sit in the park and read.
  • Go to the beach and read.
  • Go to the shopping mall, sit in the center and watch the people pass. Smile.
  • Join a health club.
  • Play bingo.
  • Go to the auto races.

You don’t have to have an escort to do these things. You can do these things by yourself or with one or two friends. Yes, we’re repeating ourselves but you must learn to enjoy all phases of being single in order to attract people. A bright friendly smile tells others that you are approachable. It will draw people to you.

© Pat Gaudette