April 1920. Tristan got off from the dusty old bus. He was now standing in front of the ever grand Clair estate. Everything looked almost just the same. As if nothing much had changed since the war.
A young lad came through the gate to receive him. Tristan had never seen the boy before, but perhaps he was one of the workers’ son who had grown up tall and strong. Tristan could not help but see his own image in the lad. After he had identified himself as “Tristan Haze,” the lad immediately took over his luggages and led him into the hall.
Once inside the household, Tristan realised that the furniture and the people were still quite the same. Victoria’s father had wanted everything to remain the same as it was before the war. Standing in front of him and greeting him with open arms, were his own parents. Tristan almost could not recognise them. They had aged so much during the six years.
Just as his parents could not believe that this grown man in his smart brown suit could be their only son Tristan. To the poor old couple, their son had certainly suffered much these years. A changed man he had returned. Nonetheless, it was a happy reunion for the Haze family.
News of Tristan’s arrival quickly spread throughout the household. All the servants and workers who had watched Tristan grew up as a child were delighted to see him well again. Finally, Tristan asked to see Victoria. He had come back all this way to see her by her request.
Victoria was soon led into the hall by her mother. Colour had returned to her cheeks and she did looked lovely in the plain white dress that she was wearing. Tristan thought she looked almost like a bride. He was certainly glad to see that Victoria could walk out from her room.
Though she never fully recovered her memory, these six years she did learn much about her past from her family. Perhaps Victoria wanted to see Tristan again because she had remembered their love and wanted to be with him again.
“Hi, Tristan,” Victoria greeted, smiling at him.
“Hi, Victoria,” Tristan replied, reaching out to hold her hands.
“It’s so nice to see you again. Let’s take a walk outside,” Victoria suggested.
“But your health… ”
“I’ll be fine as long as you’ll lend me your arm.”
“Certainly,” Tristan smiled.
It was like a dream came true. To see Victoria again after so many years, and she was still just fine. They had a walk round the estate, chatting about what Tristan had been doing in Montreal and how Victoria’s health had been doing all these years. Finally they came to an old deserted shed.
“Do you remember this place?” asked Victoria.
“Yes, it’s our old bicycle shed,” came the weary reply from Tristan.
“Why don’t you go in and see what’s left in it?”
Tristan gave a sigh, “What could be left in it? It should be empty I suppose.”
“No, go in and take a look,” urged Victoria.
To Tristan’s surprise, he found a lonely old bicycle standing in the shed. It was the bicycle which Victoria bought for him years ago on a Christmas day. Memories flooded his mind again.
“I’m sure you remember this bike. Mother told me all about it. There was suppose to be another one which you bought for me the same year, but I had ruined it in the accident.” Victoria spoke of the accident that had totally ruined her life as if it was only a small incident.
It dawned on Tristan that the Victoria standing before him is actually a changed Victoria. She had not regain her memory after so many years. All his efforts in writing those letters to Victoria, reminding her of her past had been wasted. Tristan felt ultimately devastated.
“Will you care to take me on a ride?” asked Victoria.
“What?” Tristan was shocked at what he heard.
“I want you to bring me on a ride with this bicycle. We did it before, didn’t we?” smiled Victoria.
“Look Victoria, I’m not sure about this. Things have changed. You’re not well and it could be dangerous and… and…,” Tristan was speechless. He hated to think of Victoria riding again. The bicycles had taken away his Victoria, of her life and her future. He could not understand Victoria.
“Tristan, I’m not afraid. I’m feeling fine. I can do it. Trust me. Besides, you’re with me, so I’ll be safe with you.” Victoria was clearly set about riding again. All these years since the accident, she had never ride a bike before and no one ever mentioned about riding either. As such, this bike had been kept away in the shed for years.
“Victoria…”
“Shhh, come…,” Victoria pulled Tristan towards the bike and soon they were riding along the familiar paths of yesteryears. Tristan rode the bike with extra care for he did not want Victoria to get hurt again. Victoria sat comfortably behind him, clutching tightly onto his waist and resting her head on his back. She seemed to be truely enjoying the wind that was hitting against them.
“Vicky, it’s getting dark and the cold wind is no good for you. We’ve come a long way. I think we should be heading home now,” Tristan noticed the change in weather and was concerned about Victoria’s delicate health.
“Tristan… I want to go to a place,” Victoria said softly, hardly audible.
“Where do you want to go?” Tristan was puzzled. Victoria had acted strangely since he had arrived home. He was afraid of what Victoria was about to say.
“To the jetty.”
All this time, the walk, the bicycle and now the jetty… Tristan felt Victoria seemed to be trying hard to recall her memories of those days. Nevertheless, he brought her to the jetty. Tristan had not seen the jetty for years too. During the war, part of the jetty had been damaged. No boats came passing by anymore. There was no one around. Just the rustling of trees, birds chirping and the timeless waves beating against the nearby shore.
“How things have changed… Mother says this used to be a lovely place. We came here together very often in the past, right?” Victoria got off from the bicycle and settled herself on a stone seat, under a great oak tree.
“Victoria, we should really be going back. I’m not feeling comfortable about this. I don’t want you to do this. It’ll be too hard on you.”
“Tristan, I’ve a strong feeling I used to love this place very much and I do like it now. I wish to stay here longer. Won’t you keep me company?” Victoria’s clear hazel eyes stared into Tristan’s. There was a sense of profound sadness in her voice.
Tristan sat beside Victoria and held her in his arms. “Yes, how things have changed… Do you remember I said I would marry you one day?”
“You did?”
“Yes, and you agreed.”
“To be your wife… forever.”
They rested in each other’s arms, and watched the sky change its colours. Tristan shut his eyes and wished that time could be reversed. He felt so tired. He wished he could simply take Victoria away, and be everywhere together. Just when he was lost in his thoughts, he felt a gentle pressure on his lips. Victoria had kissed him.
“Why?” he looked at her, searching for a trace of the past in her face. But when nothing could be found, he wondered why Victoria had kissed him.
“I’m just glad to see you home and… I love you.”
“But you don’t remember anything. You can’t really love me.”
“I may not be the Victoria I used to be, but I do know I love you now. All these years, everyone in the household has been telling me about us. I’ve read every single entry of your letters. They were beautifully written and I’m so touched. I’m so glad I am Victoria and that I have you, Tristan. Even if I don’t truely remember the past, but I do understand now what happened between us and how much we’ve been through. I could have giving up on my life long ago, for I felt my existence utterly meaningless without a past. But it’s the stories of our past that has kept me alive till today. Somehow I feel I’ve already known you all my life. I may not be the same Victoria you used to love, but I’m still the very same person with feelings. If I can love you so deeply in the past, so can I love you just as much now. You never gave up on me and… I just want to love you, Tristan. I want to know what’s the end to our love story and I would like you to tell me.”
The tears flowed from her eyes with this honest declaration. Tristan did not know what to say to her. This Victoria beside him felt like a totally new person. But yet he felt it was the best gift ever. It was like as if Victoria had died, but came back again to complete their lives together. He felt an amazing urge of strength overpowering him. He held Victoria in his arms, not ever wanting to let go of her again. After some time, Victoria started coughing badly.
“Vicky! Are you alright? What’s the matter?” Tristan caught hold of Victoria, he was very worried about her health.
“It’s okay… I’ve always been like this. It’ll pass. I’m alright.” Victoria took a few deep breaths and laid back to rest in his arms.
“You’re sure?” Tristan asked, not feeling very sure himself.
“Tristan, don’t leave me again,” she felt some difficuly in her breathing.
“Victoria, I won’t ever leave you again,” having assured her of his love, he held her closer to him and tried his best to keep her warm. He was glad he could still smell her hair again and to kiss her cold cheeks. But somewhere in his heart, he felt very sad. He knew that with Victoria’s fast deteriorating health, they would not be together for a very long time.
©1998 Jessica Yeow