If you and your partner would like to experience each other’s love on a deeper level, give the following love exercise a try.
Steps to the Love Exercise
The following exercise will help you and your partner strengthen and increase the amount of love in your life and relationships. The exercise is designed to be filled out by the person who desires to be more loving. But it will be very helpful the first time you try it for you and your partner to fill the form out for each other.
Simply have your partner answer the questions in columns (2) through (5) by inserting a different word for every situation. By filling out the form for your partner, you will be showing them how to be more loving. After you exchange completed forms with your partner, make a commitment to follow through with these actions.
Try to complete every item on the form in a few weeks’ time using the checklist located in column (6). Once you have completed these items, fill out the form yourself and follow through with your loving intentions. Once the exercise is completed, start over again with different ideas. Over time it will become easier because the more love you give, the more love you receive.
If you or your partner are having a hard time filling out the form, try meditating on or praying for the answers that appear difficult. It might also be helpful to look into your past at the ways your parents expressed their love for one another.
If your parents or role models were not very compassionate, you might have a hard time being compassionate to your partner. The list in column (5) contains self-love items, because if we lack self-love and self-compassion, we won’t be able to be compassionate with others.
| Column 1 Answer each question in columns 2-5, by inserting a different word from this column into each question. |
Column 2 How can you be more (fill in word) with your partner? |
Column 3 How can you be more (fill in word) with your friends, or associates? | Column 4 How can you be more (fill in word) with your friends, or associates? |
Column 5 How can you be more (fill in word) with yourself? (if applicable) |
Column 6 Make a commitment to fulfill each effort in every column at least once a week. Use this checklist space as items are completed. |
| Loving Actions | Partner | Family | Others | Self | Checklist |
| Accepting | |||||
| Caring | |||||
| Compassionate | |||||
| Confronting | |||||
| Considerate | |||||
| Committed | |||||
| Encouraging | |||||
| Empathetic | |||||
| Forgiving | |||||
| Honest | |||||
| Interested | |||||
| Intimate | |||||
| Motivating | |||||
| Patient | |||||
| Polite | |||||
| Positive | |||||
| Respectful | |||||
| Supportive | |||||
| Understanding | |||||
| Validating |
Reprinted from The Relationship Toolbox by Robert Abel.
Robert Abel is director of Relationship Rebuilders, a marriage and family psychotherapy counseling practice in Colorado. He works with couples and families helping them heal the emotional wounds of the past and incorporate spirituality into their lives.
A member of the American Psychological Association with extensive studies in psychology and sociology, one of Abel’s highest goals is to dramatically reduce the current divorce rate by encouraging couples to develop the tools to rebuild, maintain and strengthen their relationships.