Mail Order Brides

One special category of international or ethnic dating sites provides a unique service: mail order brides.

The concept is hardly new. In 19th century America it was common for men to write ‘back East’ to find a bride who would join them in ‘the territories’ as America expanded west across the North American continent.

With most of the globe populated, and with the popularity of the Internet, the concept has evolved. But the same basic purpose is served: finding a bride from a distant land.

Motivations for seeking a bride in Russia, the Philippines or elsewhere vary. Certainly, the stereotype of the lonely, unattractive guy is still true. But ‘unattractive’ is somewhat subjective, and there are in fact thousands of individuals from all walks of life seeking a mail order bride.

In some cases, it’s the attraction of the exotic. In other cases, it’s the desire to have a wife who is more traditional in her outlook and values than many women in modern cities are today.

From the woman’s perspective the motives are equally varied. They may have a desire to have a better life than seems possible in the home country. Or, they may respond to a man who needs and wants them, who is willing to treat them as special in a way that those who live locally do not.

Many of these matches don’t work out, since the pair can have very unrealistic expectations. But a very large number do. Overcoming the many legal, financial and emotional hurdles that face any couple from different countries can often bring people tightly together.

The same phenomenon that made many 19th century mail order wedding situations successful – shared struggle and the need to keep a commitment – plays a part in the modern counterpart.

Anyone considering using a mail order bride site or service should take some special actions, however. There are many rip-off sites out there who will take your money and lie about what’s being offered. But there are many legitimate ones as well, and they encourage members to have a realistic and informed view.

Research the immigration and other legal issues surrounding travel, marriage and domicile. Immigration authorities are always on the lookout for those couples who marry strictly as a business arrangement to bypass the laws.

Consider the financial aspects of the situation. Traveling to meet in person is the norm, and the man usually travels to the woman’s home country. That can be costly, especially since it may involve an extended stay in the foreign country of three months or more.

Separation may be required, during the engagement period or after marriage. That’s difficult under ideal circumstances, and requires a firm commitment and a realistic attitude. Patience and resolve are a must.

Cultural and language differences will place a strain on many mail order bride relationships. The idea that one ‘bought a wife’ may gnaw at both woman and man. Being willing to accept the facts, face them with courage and focus on the good will be a challenge.

But the rewards are many. Thanks to the Internet and Mail Order Bride sites and services, those who might never meet can find that special someone.

Those very differences that make for big challenges can bring equally great rewards.