Letting Go

There must be fifty ways to leave your lover, fifty ways to leave your lover. Just slip out the back, Jack, make a new plan, Stan, Don’t need to be coy, Roy, just listen to me.

Those words written by Paul Simon are indeed true. There are fifty-hundred ways to leave your lover, ah but the catch is that there is no easy way to do so. It is an emotionally wrenching and physically taxing experience to break up with someone that you have been physically intimate and emotionally bonded with. There are no Hallmark cards that you can send to your lover informing him that it’s over.

The best way to leave your lover is by making a clean break of it. Sit down with your lover and calmly and tenderly state your case. Outline all the reasons why you feel that the magic is over. The truth is that there is nothing logical or rational about love.

Your partner may not agree with the logic of your arguments, but she will no doubt sense that indeed the twinkle of love no longer sparkles in your eyes. She may not immediately agree that it’s time to end the relationship, but the truth will soon sink in.

The best time to leave your lover is right now. If you are certain that it’s time for the relationship to end; do not procrastinate. End it now especially if you are in an abusive relationship.

Bullies who physically abuse their lovers rarely if ever change their destructive behavior. A physically abusive person does not deserve one more chance. The same principle applies to those that are unfaithful. A leopard will sooner change his spots than a cheat will change his ways. A relationship is built on trust and faith. Once that foundation has been shattered, it’s over.

Don’t wait until your lover screws up again before you break up. Don’t say the next time that fool comes home drunk I’ll break up with him. You need to be calm and reasonable when you tell your lover that it’s over. You don’t want to be in a fit of rage when you break up or else you will probably spew out hateful words that you will later regret.

Allow me to digress by pointing out that my essay is directed to lovers who have not yet taken the vows of marriage. I have a great deal of respect for the institution of marriage and I believe that one should do everything within his power to preserve the union. You should go the extra mile to try to save your marriage.

Once you have broken up with your lover don’t join a monastery and vow never to date again, but by the same token don’t be in a hurry to replace the lover you just dumped or you might end up with another jerk.

It’s never easy letting go and saying good-bye but unless you let go of that weight that is holding you down you will never be able to grab a hold of the lover who truly loves you. I hope that my essay will embolden you to finally let go so you will be free to accept the love of the person who respects and loves you with all of his heart.

©1998, Robert Paul Reyes

Robert Paul Reyes lives in Alameda, California, and works for an insurance company to support his ‘real’ occupation as a writer. He is a cyber-columnist for the Internet version of the Star-Telegram of Fort Worth, Texas.