Are You In A Relationship For the Right Reasons?

There are so many complexities to a good relationship that it is difficult to know what exactly makes them work.

My long term partner always points out to me why some of our friends are in relationships that are not working for them. The theory is we enter a relationship with the main thing on our minds being “what can I get out of this relationship?”

If you are having problems in your current relationship, ask yourself, “Am I in this relationship because I feel I have something wonderful to give, or am I in it because I tell myself there is something for me to get from it?” Many problems arise when each partner asks what is in it for themselves first, and then after they’ve gotten what they need, they might ask “Am I giving as much as I can to this relationship?”

Since my partner pointed this out to me, I have seen it happen many times. Relationships break up because the first question asked is, “What am I getting?” instead of first asking “What does this person need from me that I am able to give?” If both partners ask themselves this question and concentrate on what they are giving first, in most cases, the old adage “what goes around, comes around” probably will.

As an example, suppose a single man has his children coming to spend the summer with him. If this is not part of his usual routine there will have to be some adjustments made by the kids, their father, and his significant other. This is a time when there will be more than the usual tension in the household. The woman in his life will be much more appreciated if she asks herself the question “What can I give to my partner to enhance our relationship?” The answer could be any one or all of the following:

  • I can help plan meals that appeal to children and help with more of the cooking.
  • I can be understanding when he wants to spend time alone with them and not feel threatened. This is a good opportunity for me to do things by myself that he isn’t interested in doing.
  • I can help plan activities, and depending on the ages of the children, help prepare them for the activities that will mean happy time spent together.
  • If I can’t help, at least I can be understanding and not complain about the situation.
  • I might offer to watch the children (a good way to know them better) while he gets a break and enjoys some time to himself.

I am sure there are many of the same questions men can ask themselves. After all, your lover should also be your best friend, and friends do special things for each other. When the children have gone, then the man in this scenario should ask himself, “What can I do as a special treat for my lady?” This is when a relationship is working.