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Suddenly Single

Sometimes it seems that everyone except you is part of a couple. That’s not true, but it’s easy to get a little on the blue side when people are two-by-two everywhere you go. It gets particularly bluesy when favorite songs and certain places trigger special memories.

Look around. Really look around. The entire world is not composed of couples — and lonely little you. If you really want to know, there are plenty of interesting singles, both male and female, in the area. You just need to know where to look and take the steps to put yourself into their circles. And you need to understand that being single isn’t the end of the world.

Entering the single arena for the first time after a long term involvement can be a bit intimidating. We’ve all been there. It gets better, but it takes time.

We all enter the single game in our own way. Some entries are much more difficult than others. The death of a spouse is one of life’s most difficult hurdles and the comfort gained from family and friends is impossible to measure.

Divorce pushes us into the single arena but our attitude will in great measure be based on whether or not we wanted the divorce. Not every couple is meant to live together forever regardless of marriage vows. Some unions just outlive their time or should never have taken place. The pain of dissolution of a long term marriage will take time to subside no matter who wanted the divorce. Habits, even bad ones, are difficult to break.

There are no simple solutions to adjusting to being single. Looking upon the situation as a new phase of life and seeking the opportunities for personal growth is easy to say but not particularly easy to do. Not at the beginning. It takes time to adjust. Just as it took time for you to adjust to living with someone else, working someone else’s needs and wants into your life. Some people just naturally do it better than others.

Being single means being alone sometimes. But so does living with someone when the relationship turns sour.

Being single means having to rely on yourself to get things done. But so does living with someone who is dependent on you to provide for them.

Being single isn’t the end of the world. For some people it’s just the beginning.

© Pat Gaudette