How To Get From Hmmm? to HIM!!
PIP=Potentially Interesting Person
Step One, I Contact!
Usually the first contact made with a “Potentially Interesting Person” (from this point forward they will be referred to as “PIPs”) is eye contact. There are a few different types of eye contact.
There is the “Across the Room” eye contact, the “In Passing” eye contact (when a PIP is passing by you) and the all-important “Conversational” eye contact. Each is different in many respects, but similar in that they are all ways of sneaking in communication without words. In order for that contact to have the desired impact, it must be delivered well. It is fun and easy when you know how. Perfecting this ability will be incredibly useful for you in meeting and attracting quality men!
“Across the Room”
So you’re at the 7-Eleven, a restaurant or club, the market or any public place where you see a PIP. How do you get from hmmm?. . . TO HIM! Often in these situations, you’ll need to make eye contact before a conversation can begin.
When making this kind of eye contact, remember that you are trying to convey a message with your eyes. People have told me that they are no good at eye-contact flirting because they always end up looking away — when really, this action is in fact conveying the desired message. Think about it. If a man stares at you and when you look back at him he doesn’t end up looking away, you feel uncomfortable and intimidated–more like you’re being stalked than flirted with! A man will also feel uncomfortable if a woman overstays her gaze.
The ideal “Across the Room” eye-contact flirt only makes contact for two or three seconds, and then shyly, must turn away. Usually this will make you smile, which is again a perfect communication — friendly and pleasant. It shows you’re happy that he looked back and showed interest in you. Even blushing works in your favor, so don’t try to hide it. In these ways, you are using your nervous energy to your advantage.
It’s important that you let him catch you looking back at him. Subconsciously, this tells him you are interested. If he doesn’t catch you looking back at him, he may decide you are not interested. Then he may not be able to get up the nerve to come over and start a conversation with you. Side note: If he’s looking at you when you look back at him, that’s a pretty good sign he is interested in you. If he isn’t looking at you, that’s not necessarily a sign that he’s not interested in you.
In a situation where you have the time, this entire sequence of looking, looking away and looking back, should repeat itself a few times before you move forward. This kind of eye-contact flirting is most effective in a restaurant, club, or in line at an amusement park or the DMV. Use it in any situation where you and the PIP are going to be in the same place for a while.
If a PIP is walking past you, you must think quickly. You must deliver a powerful enough, instant, high-impact eye contact to warrant him coming back for more. A deliberate and direct “pupil to pupil” contact is necessary! If you can think fast enough, say “Hi” and/or “How are you?” Either way you absolutely must SMILE! This step is VERY IMPORTANT!!
If you are able to deliver a direct enough hit, the PIP may come up with some excuse to come back and start a conversation with you. Again, allow him to catch you looking back at him. If he’s not looking back, keep watching him so that if he does look back at you, he will see you looking at him. If and when he does look back at you, show that you are happy with a huge, kind of shy, smile. This is the only way he will be able to get up the nerve to come back and talk to you. It is also a good idea to try to find a reason of your own to pass him again.
This method can be challenging. Even if you think fast enough and get up the nerve, it may not work, though often enough it does. My clients and I have shared many success stories about using this method. Think of it this way. If you try and fail, you have lost nothing. If you don’t try, you will almost definitely lose the opportunity to meet the guy. We must be very direct in this situation because it takes an incredible amount of nerve for the guy to do his part. Therefore, we must really do our part.
When you have the opportunity to “conversate” with a PIP, use it to your FULL advantage. You may not get a second chance. The trick is, when you look at him, look him straight in the eye.
Make an even stronger impact by focusing directly on his pupils. You are almost searching for the inner anatomy of his eyeball as you speak and listen. You must hold this contact for a little bit longer than is comfortable in order to get the desired result. Finally, you must let go of his optic nerve. You may notice him trying to get your “tractor beam” back onto him. This is a very good sign that he is interested.
For the man on the receiving end of this communication, it is a clear sign of interest in him not just as a date–but as an individual. You are giving him all of your attention. He is highly complimented and feels deeply respected. If a guy is interested in you, this will go a long way in empowering him to ask you out. We will go into more powerful ways to help/get him to ask you out throughout the rest of the book.
Incidentally, by looking this closely at people, you also get a great read on exactly who they really are. Many times they will reveal to you things about themselves that they ordinarily would not. They will say, “I don’t know why I am telling you all of this. I usually don’t tell such details about my life to a virtual stranger.”
If a man cannot return your gaze, it may be a sign that he is hiding something. It could also be extreme shyness or intimidation, but when shyness or intimidation is the problem, he will usually try to reconnect with you once you look away. Many of the women I have taught this method to have agreed with me. “It’s almost as though I can read his mind and see through any facade when I look at a person this closely.”
By using this method, I have found that I can get a sense of a person’s nature. Sometimes I see kindness or power. Occasionally, I have gotten a very bad vibe or gut instinct. The times I have ignored that feeling, I was sorry. It’s important that you use this technique not only as a way of impacting a PIP, but as a way to start figuring out if this person is right for you.
Excerpt from Master Dating, ©1999 Felicia Rose Adler. All rights reserved.
As a successful hairdresser for 13 years, author Felicia Rose Adler has been in a unique position to get the inside scoop on romance. “It is said that the only person who knows more about your personal life than your therapist is your hairdresser, and at least at my shop, I believe that to be true!”