This may come as a surprise to you but not all women come with full knowledge and acceptance of cunnilingus or ‘being eaten out’. From a woman’s point of view, oral sex is often a matter of trust, i.e., opening up her most ‘scared place’ for ‘close scrutiny’ to you. In fact, believe it or not, there are plenty of women out there who are more open to sexual intercourse than cunnilingus. They claim that the latter is a more ‘private affair’. I know, go figure.

If your partner is a cunnilingus virgin, don’t lose hope end assume she’s deadest against it. For all you know, she’s simply waiting for the right guy to show her the high sexual pleasure that cunnilingus brings.

How to Persuade Your Partner to Engage in Cunnilingus

Discuss, not dictate.
The wrong approach to take is to STATE that she ‘needs’ to experience cunnilingus. For one, you probably don’t even know why she’s not into being muff dived yet so don’t assume anything. Instead, talk to her about it. Ask if she has any negative impressions or bad experiences regarding cunnilingus so that you’re better able to address whatever it is that’s eating her up (pun intended).

Also, showing that you’re willing to discuss and understand her shows your caring side, which in turn makes her trust you more, which in turn makes her more open to the thought of you going down on her.

Try, not force.
As a cunnilingus virgin, it’s understandable that she may be a bit squeamish about the whole affair the first time. Don’t expect compete and wild abandon here. And don’t force her to feel great about it either by ramming your tongue deeper into her or propelling it like helicopter blades. You might hurt her, making her think cunnilingus is not pleasurable at all!

Also, don’t be offended by immediate reaction she has. For example, here’s a story from one of my clients, let’s just call him Jack.

So Jack was eating his lady out. Since she was new to cunnilingus, her emotions about all the new sexual feelings were everywhere. Her physical response to this was to bring her thighs tightly together… that’s right, squeezing Jack’s head between her legs! Anyway, Jack understood this so he GENTLY pried her legs apart and licked gentler to make her relax.

Can you imagine if, feeling a bit of pain, Jack drastically pulled his head away? That would rudely abruptly her sexual pleasure and might even make her think he doesn’t like eating her out after all.

Explore, not just apply.
Although she may be a cunnilingus virgin, it doesn’t mean that techniques that worked for your previous partners will work on her. For one, some women like it rough, others don’t. Some women like being finger fucked while being licked, others don’t. And so on.

So for her first time, just be gentle and go with the flow. Be attuned with her body and its reactions instead of trying to apply – what you think – is a great cunnilingus formula.

Encourage trust, not misgiving.
Again, since this is her first time with cunnilingus, it’s important to start gently so that you earn her trust. If you go down there like Rambo, and chances are she’s not ready for that at all, she will instinctively assume that she’ll experience some sort of pain or discomfort. As a result, she will not be completely open to the whole cunnilingus thing anymore.

Also, at the very least, she may not feel much sexual pleasure at all, enabling her to incorrectly assume that cunnilingus is no big deal.

Make it all about HER pleasure.
Try not to be the great Casanova as you go down on her or revel in the fact that you’re her sexual teacher, and she your helpless sex student who wants nothing more than to accept your moves.

Sometimes, men can get so full in their heads about how they’re such great lovers that the focus is all wrong. So this time, make it all about her. Her body, her reactions, her sexual pleasure. If she achieves an orgasm during cunnilingus, GREAT but it’s not your goal.

Your goal is to simply let her know how sexually enriching cunnilingus is and that it’s another way you can enrich your relationship – sexually and otherwise. Good luck!

More tips to satisfy her in bed.

© Gabrielle Moore. All rights reserved.

Chocolates can do wonderful effects on our body. Since they are made from plants, they inherently contain natural components that promote good health. In fact, it is said that dark chocolates reduce high blood pressure.

A small bar is enough to also lower bad cholesterol in the body. Eating chocolates gives an immediate boost of energy and vigor. Moreover—and also very fortunately—chocolates have also been found to have a certain effect on one’s desire for sexual activity.

They are said to strengthen a woman’s libido, resulting in an increased interest and desire for sex. As for men, chocolates stimulate passion and vitality and a remarkable increase in sexual desire can be noted. No wonder men always resort to chocolates when they date women!

Let me share some secrets that will help you satisfy her the right way.

Short Choco History

According to aphrodisiac history, the belief started with the Mayans, who drank chocolate for fertility. They would even use a chocolate drink concoction during marriage ceremonies. In very recent studies though, chocolates have been discovered to have phenylethylamine, a chemical that’s detected when one falls in love. And get this: the same chemical rises up to the brain during an orgasm!

Serotonin is also known to be present in chocolates. This chemical gives one a feeling of pleasure. These two substances are mildly addictive. But women are known to be more susceptible to the effects of phenylethylamine, thus making women more ‘chocoholic’.

If you’re still not convinced, then maybe results of a study (by Italian researchers no less!) published in The Times in 2004 will. According to that research, “Women who have a daily intake of chocolate showed higher levels of desire than women who did not have this habit. Chocolate can have a positive physiological impact on a woman’s sexuality.”

Chocolate as a Sex Tool

Now if feeding your woman chocolates does not give you a hard-on or if she just ends up eating the whole box without even giving you a second glance, then there’s something wrong with your delivery.

That’s right. Chocolates are so common now that they don’t really conjure up images of sex right away so don’t just buy the average chocolate bonbon. Why not try Kama Sutra chocolates! That’s right; there are chocolate bars being sold online now that are shaped specifically to match Kama Sutra sex positions! If you want to take this a step further, cook up your own Kama Sutra-shaped chocolates. But this time, add some chili flakes to increase the aphrodisiac factor.

Now what can be better than vanilla ice cream topped with warmed chocolate? That would be vanilla ice cream and warm chocolate eaten off your lover’s body! Put some melted vanilla ice cream on your lover’s naked breasts and lap it up! Now, immediately follow this up with some warm chocolate sauce and suck off all of that too! Other areas you can try this are her neck (yes, her neck!) and of course… her pussy!

Here’s another idea. Why not buy edible chocolate undies! Present this to your woman; urge her to try it on with one promise… that SHE will be your dessert tonight! You can also turn the tables around of course. Put on a chocolate-flavored condom and ask her to give you a blow-job. I guarantee she’ll be sucking away with gusto!

Ok, now here’s one I actually first heard from one of our subscribers. Edible body chocolate paint… that should be applied with a very soft and tender paint brush. Imagine how she would feel as you glide that tickly, feathery, chocolate-laden brush all over her body. By the time you reach her groin, she’ll be panting like crazy!

There is truly no end to the wonders of chocolate as an aphrodisiac! In fact, I dare say that of all the aphrodisiacs that are popularly known, chocolates are the most readily available, are some of the most inexpensive to buy, are a joy to be eaten by both men and women, and are actually believed by scientists to increase sexual appetite!

So what are you waiting for? If I were you, I’d be running out the door to get some chocolates now!

Learn more SPICY techniques to satisfy your lover in bed.

© Gabrielle Moore. All rights reserved.

And when you use your imagination, it’s equally important to apply your ‘naughty thoughts’ on your woman’s erogenous zones. Erogenous zones are those unique places in her body that generate sexual arousal when stimulated. And so if you know her erotic zones and apply your lustful imagination on them, you can make having sex with her a whole-body experience instead of just engaging in sex that’s limited to her genitals.

Erogenous zones are also important to know when you are giving her a sexual massage!

Know Her ‘Hot Buttons’

So do you know your woman’s sweet sex spots? Here’s a quick rundown of what they may likely be and what you can do to it during a sexual massage.

Her Breasts.
Ok, her breasts may not be a big erogenous zone secret for you but do you know how to handle them properly during a sexual massage? Most women find men too rough when it comes to fondling their breasts. And more so during sexual massage! So what do you do?

First of all, remember that the goal of a sexual massage is to de-stress while heightening sexual desire. So the general rule is to handle her body with TLC (tender loving care).

When it comes to her breasts, this is what you should do during your sexual massage session: avoid putting your whole hand over her breast. Using your index fingers, lightly press on her nipples as you would press a sensitive buzzer. First use dry fingers, then lick your index fingers and push down again.

The fact that she does not feel anything except your index finger on her nipple will send shivers through her body! And because you’re not touching her anywhere else (avoid any other body contact), her body is still in total relaxation (while her mind is already advancing towards sex).

Now, after about 10 ‘finger presses’, very lightly lick her nipple. Do not overdo this, just give her butterfly licks. After about 10 licks on each breast, stop and go to other hot zones.

Her Armpit.
Another erogenous zone is her armpit. Lick this during the sexual massage and she will feel delirious and lustful! To make sure that this is not unpleasant for you prepare a wet, hot towel before you start the sexual massage and use it to wipe her armpit before you start licking gently.

Do the ‘Dip’
From her upper torso, gently move towards sexually massaging her by doing “The Dip”. Put her arms above her head then position your arms under her shoulder (as if you were embracing her in bed). This position will ‘open’ her body to you. Breathe warmly against her collarbone, kiss the side of each breast and then position your tongue between her breasts.

From this position, lick her all the way down, passing her stomach, belly button, belly and then ending with a quick ‘dip’ in her genitals!

Her Foot.
This is the proper position when you start focusing on her feet: have her bend her knees and spread her legs a bit. This vulnerable position will already bring images of sex to her mind. You then kneel between her legs and lift one of her legs so that you can massage her foot. Put a lot of warm, massage oil on your hands and then slowly knead her feet. At the end of your massage, breathe against the sole of her feet. Your warm breath will both relax and sexually stimulate her.

Her Toes.
Toes are often neglected erogenous zones! The proper way to sexually massage toes is this: clean off any oil on and between her toes with a soft, wet and warm towel. Hold her big toe, run your thumb against its sole (without a bit of pressure) and follow through with a quick lick. Do this for each toe. The next step is to slowly and seductively suck each toe!

Her Butt.
Have your woman lie on her back. Put some warm oil on your hands and gently massage her ass, kneading lightly. After this, progress to kissing and licking. Just when she’s so relaxed, comfortable or maybe even about to drift off, part her buttocks and lick her anus. This will send her a sexual charge like no other!

Proceed to licking her crack and when you notice that she’s getting too excited. Turn her over and let the love-making begin! The fact that your bodies are both slick from the massage oil and glistening in the dark makes love-making even more exciting.

Learn a lot more erotic tips to satisfy her tonight.

© Gabrielle Moore. All rights reserved.

The desire to have one’s needs met, however, is deeply rooted in your past. The concept of mind reading may well be a vestige of childhood. At that time in your life, you expected your parents to anticipate your every need, perhaps before you were even cognizant of what you wanted. As adults, however, we must be responsible for our own needs. That’s part of what it means to be a grownup. But in that same vein, if our needs involve our partner, it is up to us to speak up. Unfortunately, we all-too-often don’t.

The problem is that within silence lives a major precipitating factor for relationship failure. While it may be commonplace in this day-and-age to gripe about “communication problems,” many couples — influenced by the images of romantic love promulgated in our media-driven culture — believe that they should be inextricably linked to their partner through an innate understanding and sensitivity. In effect, they say, “You ought to know how I feel or what I mean if you really love me.” Realistically, however, this is often not the case.

You Should Just Know Me

Do you and your partner really know each other? Chances are you will answer “yes” right away if asked this question. Chances are a better answer would be “sometimes.” Human beings are mutable. People change, ideas change, thought-processes change — that’s how we grow. So to say that you unequivocally know your partner is to put a bit of a damper on the possibilities for growth within your relationship. And to expect your partner to know you and anticipate your every need also puts that growth-barrier on you. The only way your partner could possibly meet your every need would be if you never changed your mind about anything. Pretty limiting, right?

Yet, some would contend that being in a relationship allows them the privilege of being less forthcoming in their efforts to communicate than they might be with casual contacts precisely because their partner knows them better (and therefore presumably can fill-in-the-blanks when things are not communicated perfectly). The only problem with that theory is that if you’re using your communication skills more effectively with strangers than you are with your nearest and dearest, well, soon your partner won’t be your closest confidant any longer.

Additionally, people in relationships tend to consistently overestimate the ability of their partners to anticipate their behavior (and vice versa). Research has supported the claim that closeness does not automatically equal comprehension. Even in the simplest predictions of one another’s behavior, couples are usually wrong.

In a report published in Marriage and Family Living, researchers asked spouses which one of them would tend to talk more during a decision-making process dealing with how they would spend a hypothetical gift of several hundred dollars. The session was taped so that the actual amount of talking done by each could be measured. Only seventeen out of fifty individuals correctly predicted who would be the more active speaker. What’s more, after the session was over and the participants were once again asked who talked more, over half still judged incorrectly

In another study, investigators increased the participants’ motivation to predict correctly by showcasing a myriad of “prizes” — gloves, scarves, lingerie items, belts, and wallets. If, without communication, they could successfully coordinate their choices — that is, choose the same item — they would receive the items as rewards. They all failed. Not one of the twenty-five participating couples succeeded in predicting one another’s choices on as many as five of all twenty items.

In still another study, this time involving 116 couples, each partner was asked separately to give the names of persons considered by both partners to be close mutual friends, not including relatives. In an astonishing result, only six couples were in total accord on this task. One couple even failed outright, completely disagreeing on their mutual friends.

What this illustrates is that while couples may claim to know each other like the back of their hands, chances are they’re pretty frequently off the mark. That said, and studies aside, it should not be surprising that couples who engage in solid communicative efforts are happier and more sexual than those who make no concerted efforts to understand each other. In fact, a major feature in relationships suffering from a lack of intimacy is not a discernible lack of attraction between the partners but more likely a deficiency in their communication skills. In discordant relationships, there is usually a marked failure of both partners to express and be attuned to each other’s feelings and thoughts.

There may be any number of reasons a person might have an inability to “speak up” including coming from an uncommunicative family (which might mean inadequate development of verbal skills), shyness, lack of self-confidence, intimidation, controlled hostility (in which an individual may not communicate in an attempt not to “blow up”), suspicion, self-protection, and so on.

Whatever the reason, most often the deterioration of communication occurs gradually and is the result of an interactive process. For example, sometimes a partner will encourage communication and then discourage it by frequent interruptions, in effect, disqualifying the speaker and her message. Or perhaps one partner will ask for more communication only to then feel like the other partner is “nagging,” which consequently leads to harbored resentment. The bottom line is that there is only one route to a truly happy relationship and that is through communication, not ESP.

Sex and Mind-Reading Needs

There is no doubt that talking about sex is tough. If it were a piece of cake every couple would have an amazing sex life. But on that same note, expecting your partner to just figure it out or automatically know what works for you is also totally unreasonable.

Still, when it comes to sex, most people tend to live by the credo “No news is good news.” In other words, if neither partner says anything, they tend to assume that their partner is okay with what is going on. Unfortunately, that is frequently miles from the truth. Sex is a highly intimate and vulnerable exchange. As a result many people are terrified to speak up about their needs for fear of hurting their partner’s feelings or possibly even worse, turning their partner off.

Women tend to have a particularly difficult time asking for what they need in bed because some women still believe they are supposed to focus on their partner’s pleasure rather than their own, and oftentimes their goals during sex are less about climax and more about closeness. So she just hopes and prays that by being sexually conjoined to her partner she will somehow get the intimacy she craves and that he will somehow figure out what would make her feel good without direction.

Thing is, the phrase “different strokes for different folks” applies here; no woman or man comes with a road map. So what might have worked with one partner in the past won’t necessarily be pleasurable for a new partner. Unless there is a dialogue about the situation at some point, neither partner will know what is truly working and what is not.

Reading physical cues may give some couples information (i.e., if they seem to be sexually turned on then they assume things are good). One thing to keep in mind, however, is that there are a lot of good actors out there as well. People will frequently fake sexual pleasure in order to enhance their partner’s self-esteem or perhaps enjoyment of the experience. But this kind of behavior is usually to the detriment of one partner’s pleasure as well (the “acting” partner).

The basic point is, you’re an adult. Adults are responsible for their own needs. Likely, your partner is not going to be able to read your mind, so at some point, you’re going to have to get over it and talk to each other straight up about your sex life. By not doing so, you risk remaining unfulfilled. If you don’t create a road map, you’re likely to get lost.

The above is an excerpt from the book Sex Comes First: 15 Ways to Help Your Relationship . . . Without Leaving Your Bedroom by Joel Block, Ph.D. & Kimberly Dawn Neuman. The above excerpt is a digitally scanned reproduction of text from print. Although this excerpt has been proofread, occasional errors may appear due to the scanning process. Please refer to the finished book for accuracy.

Copyright © 2009 Joel Block, Ph.D. & Kimberly Dawn Neuman, authors of Sex Comes First: 15 Ways to Help Your Relationship . . . Without Leaving Your Bedroom

Joel Block, Ph.D., is an award-winning psychologist, practicing couple and sex therapy in New York and offering couple-relationship seminars throughout the United States. Dr. Block has appeared on the Today show, Good Morning America, and CBS Morning. He lives in New York. Visit Joel Block, Ph.D. at www.drblock.com

Kimberly Dawn Neumann, is a Broadway performer and highly credited dating/sex/relationship writer. Her work has appeared in Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, Maxim, and more. She lives in New York City.

For more information please visit www.SexComesFirst.com

The experience of minor jealousy here and there is usually not something to fret about. A fleeting bout of anxiety or fear that someone may attract your partner is normal and not necessarily an issue. This is especially true when you realize your fears aren’t reality-based and the feeling doesn’t linger.

Good Jealousy

So what exactly is “good” jealousy? While it might seem like an oxymoron, there is such a thing as a healthy dose of jealousy. Even in the best relationships we can start to take our partner for granted at times. On those occasions, when you suddenly feel a pang of jealousy, say while noticing a gorgeous singleton chatting up your significant other, that emotion can serve as a potent reminder of the things that initially attracted you to your partner. If someone else is finding him interesting, you might realize that you’re still interested in him too (even more than you were aware). In those cases, a little twinge of jealousy can serve to briefly reinspire the relationship.

Jealousy can also serve as an indicator of love and interest. How so? Well, oftentimes people may not even realize they have romantic feelings (or realize how deep their feelings run) until they get a jealousy pang. And that little twinge serves as a wakeup call that they are more invested than they thought. In that case, jealousy is also positive because it ups the stakes in a relationship that may have needed a kick to move it to the next level.

The above scenarios illustrate how a little jealousy isn’t deleterious and could possibly even add something to a relationship. Thus, should you or your partner experience minor, everyday jealousies, it’s best to recognize them for what they are, even laugh at them, accept them, and then release them. Unless trust issues are also involved, chances are you can just let them go and move on (and even take them as a sign that things are still on track with your relationship).

The risk with “good” jealousy, however, is that things can easily change from it triggering a mild jolt of anxiety that can even be exciting or enjoyable to the more extreme forms of jealousy, anger, and fear. At the extreme, jealousy can become seriously debilitating and destructive to a relationship.

For this reason, jealousy is not something that should be toyed with. Some people play on their partner’s fears and anxieties by engaging in little acts of seeming disinterest to make them jealous, such as smiling suggestively at a passing stranger on the street and commenting on her physique. Bad idea. Organic jealousy can be tolerated in a relationship because it serves as a reminder of emotional investment. Intentional acts of jealousy — invoking behavior, however, serve only to ultimately break down a relationship.

Bad Jealousy

When jealousy runs in the other direction, it will start to chip away at a relationship. Instead of adding intrigue or spice, it adds doubt, which is incredibly powerful. A doubt-filled mind is a fertile breeding ground for other relationship-wrecking thoughts and may lead to relationship sabotage (i.e., if a partner becomes possessive, demanding, or controlling out of fear stemming from jealousy, it will generally lead to the very loss of love they were afraid of in the first place).

How can one recognize the bad before it gets really ugly? Consider this: Any situation where jealousy leads to irrational, overprotective, or demanding behavior would probably qualify. A relationship fraught with jealous undertones might also look a bit competitive or fractured to the outside observer. Think about it: A member of a happy couple isn’t usually flirting with others to make his partner take notice nor will he make a scene anytime his significant other so much as looks at another person. A couple without jealousy issues are comfortable giving each other a long leash in social situations because each person knows that his partner will find her way back to his side eventually

Bad jealousy sometimes shows up as dominant behavior. It may also come out in repeated accusations, which is not healthy for any relationship. Bringing up something your partner did — like ogling a stranger — is okay once, especially if he wasn’t aware that his behavior bothered you or made you feel insecure. In fact, voicing that jealous reaction may even make him feel good knowing you care enough about him to seek reassurance of his love.

The danger in repetition of such a behavior, however, is that it may become draining emotionally, or your reactions may intensify. For example, instead of asking questions about what your partner has been doing in an ordinary, interested way, you may start grilling for every detail of any encounter he has, which really makes you look nuts. Even worse? You might try threatening or confronting the person you believe, correctly or incorrectly, is your rival.

This would definitely be “bad” jealousy because instead of strengthening your position with your significant other, it makes you look needy and insecure and there is nothing attractive about that to anyone. See how tipping the scale too far can lead to relationship ruin?

Ugly Jealousy

On the extreme end of the spectrum is the “ugly” kind of jealousy and you can probably figure out what kind of situation that entails. Think jilted lover gone berserk or cheated-on wife who takes her husband for everything he’s got. When it comes to relationships and sex, “ugly” jealousy probably gets the most intense. That is likely because sex is already a heightened experience; when jealousy enters the mix, the results can be devastating for a relationship.

A contemporary, fictionalized example of such a situation was in the movie Unfaithful. In this film, Constance, played by Diane Lane, is a woman in a solid but rather boring marriage who on a chance encounter meets a mysterious Frenchman. Eventually they are off on a torrid and passionate affair. Soon her husband, Edward, played by Richard Gere, starts to get suspicious that something might be going on. He has her followed and when photos of her and her dashing amour confirm his worries, he decides to confront the man.

At this point, however, the power of contained jealousy comes to light and he ends up murdering the man. Regardless of the outcome, you knew his life and his relationship would never be reparable.

While this is on the extreme side of the jealousy continuum, the point we’re illustrating here is that jealousy is a powerful emotion that should not be underestimated. Learning to deal with it in a positive manner may be the healthiest thing you could possibly do for your relationship. Otherwise, the resulting fallout could be ugly.

The above is an excerpt from the book Sex Comes First: 15 Ways to Help Your Relationship . . . Without Leaving Your Bedroom by Joel Block, Ph.D. & Kimberly Dawn Neuman. The above excerpt is a digitally scanned reproduction of text from print. Although this excerpt has been proofread, occasional errors may appear due to the scanning process. Please refer to the finished book for accuracy.

Copyright © 2009 Joel Block, Ph.D. & Kimberly Dawn Neuman, authors of Sex Comes First: 15 Ways to Help Your Relationship . . . Without Leaving Your Bedroom

Joel Block, Ph.D., is an award-winning psychologist, practicing couple and sex therapy in New York and offering couple-relationship seminars throughout the United States. Dr. Block has appeared on the Today show, Good Morning America, and CBS Morning. He lives in New York. Visit Joel Block, Ph.D. at www.drblock.com

Kimberly Dawn Neumann, is a Broadway performer and highly credited dating/sex/relationship writer. Her work has appeared in Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, Maxim, and more. She lives in New York City.

For more information please visit www.SexComesFirst.com